Number 2

I overheard the funniest and most bizarre story today, from a guy in my class, and it would just be selfish of me not to share it.

I was sitting outside my class today, like I always do, watching the shoes go by and eavesdropping on conversations. Guy #1 walks up to his friend and says, "Aww man, I went into the bathroom just now and the broken stall door swung open, like, right in front of me and I saw some random dude taking a dump!" And Guy #2 says, "Just now? Ha ha ha, dude, you know what that reminds me of?" and he just laughs and says, "Yeah, yeah! I know right?"

I was instantly sad that I would never know what it reminded him of, but just in the nick of time Guy #2's girlfriend asks the million dollar question, "I don't get it, what does it remind you of?"

Guy #2: "Oh, well like, senior year, Joel, you know Joel, and I were supposed to go to this award thing because we made the dean's list. Only at the last minute they told me I couldn't get mine because I got on probation. So before we go to this thing we decide to do something crazy, like really crazy-crazy and we went and took a dump in the urinals. So we're squatting there next to each other and just as I'm finishing up I look over at Joel and he had pissed all in his pants, it was like a puddle. I was like, 'dude, what happened' and he was like, 'I guess I forgot to tuck it'. Poor guy forgot to tuck it. Then, because he couldn't go up and get his award thing in front of everybody like that, I had to trade pants with him. So, there I am, walking into the ceremony in my dress shirt, nice shoes and Joel's piss-pants."

Oh. My. GOD! I think I had a small anyurism trying to hold back my laughter. I guess that is true friendship (and the reason I don't have many friends). But, what I don't understand is, how a guy who pissed all over himself while taking a dump in a urinal made the deans list? Amazing, simply amazing.

The Tycoon

Ok, so I promised that I would tell you about all the weirdos in my classes at school and this guy is by far the number one weirdo. I first noticed him on the first day of class because it was pouring outside and he was wearing a clear plastic cowboy-hat-shaped cover over his cowboy hat. Wow, just wow. This is california by the way, not tex-ass or the south. To make matters worse for this guy he happens to have a lisp and something weird about his wubble-u's. He basically talks like a retarded cartoon character. He is taking engineering classes because he is interested in chemical and nuclear engineering, (shiiit) and I swear to god when the teacher passed around a survey about our career goals he wrote "Tycoon".

To make things even more comical he had a friend who I also gave a nickname: fat sandaled kid. This guy is one dull bulb and wearing shorts and sandals while it was pouring rain/snowing was my first clue. My second was this overheard conversation about our class project where we have to build a box to keep an egg from breaking on a two story fall:

The Tycoon: Now, I wonda, if there might exist an egg that is similar in appearance to a chicken egg, if you will, but with a slightly thicka shell.

Fat Sandaled Kid: like an ostrich egg, maybe...

The Tycoon: Now I don't know if that would be convincin' enough, you see?

The Tycoon: What if we created, or engineered, if you will, our own egg. We could find some strong white material and put some yellow goo inside.

Fat Sandaled Kid: like carve it out of marble or something?

The Tycoon: I recon' that may be a bit on the heavy side. How about thrustas.

Fat Sandaled Kid: yeah...

The Tycoon: The device could use compressed air, not so much that it shoots it up, if you will, but just enough to slow its descent.

Fat Sandaled Kid: i guess

The Tycoon: I'll talk to my friend, who is interviewing at NASA, and see about getting some state of the art materials.

Fat Sandaled Kid: alrighty

The Tycoon: Alrighty indeed.