Woah-ho! I just realized how long it has been since I have posted anything new. They say no news is good news and in this case it's true. It means I have had nothing to complain about lately.
You guys actually dodged a bullet and didn't even know it because I almost got on to post a funny story that I thought of, but didn't, because a) it was really long and I just haven't had time and b) it was about cat poop. And who really wants to read 5 paragraphs about cat poop, no one. Your welcome.
I knew things would be busy for me, but I thought it would be because the school semester is coming to an end and I would be overwhelmed with homework and term papers. I think my teachers are even lazier than I am, and you know what, it is strangely motivating. I'm so bored it is actually making me more productive.
This month I started a garden in my back yard and in my in-laws back yard (a salsa garden with tomatoes, green onions, cilantro, and 5 types of peppers!). and a compost pile (I have always wanted one and don't know why). I also started going to craft nights at a local cafe, and sometimes I volunteer to help close up. I actually made some friends (weird, I know) and meet on monday mornings to do yoga in the park.
Now I just need to get bored enough to start looking for a job.
Showing posts with label school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label school. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Missed Opportunities
I was sitting outside one of my classes last Wednesday, because I always end up getting there early, and some dude walks up and asked me to turn in his homework for him because he couldn't stay. I said yes and took the paper, but as he and his friends were walking away I thought of the best joke to play on him.
As they walked away I wanted to just reach over and drop his homework in the trash nearby. I would be funny to the other people standing around, and it would be extra funny if he or one of his friends saw me and called me out. Then I could just be like, "just kidding!"
I let the opportunity pass my by because I don't know this dude at all, and it was the kind of thing that would either end up making us friends or he would just hate me and mutter 'bitch' under his breath every time he saw me. But, it made me laugh to my self so next time an opportunity like that comes up I think I'll do it.
As they walked away I wanted to just reach over and drop his homework in the trash nearby. I would be funny to the other people standing around, and it would be extra funny if he or one of his friends saw me and called me out. Then I could just be like, "just kidding!"
I let the opportunity pass my by because I don't know this dude at all, and it was the kind of thing that would either end up making us friends or he would just hate me and mutter 'bitch' under his breath every time he saw me. But, it made me laugh to my self so next time an opportunity like that comes up I think I'll do it.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Giggles, the Depressed Luck Dragon
While I was going to school in San Diego I rented a room from a guy who works with my dad. I spent most of my time off and nights at my boyfriends apartment because I couldn't stand being in that house.
When his wife was home she constantly wanted someone to talk to and even told me all about her daughter's re-occurring bladder infection over breakfast.
Most weekends their grown daughters would visit with their kids. When they showed up I would grab my stuff and get out as soon as possible, even when I had nowhere to go. I guess I grew up in a quiet household because the amount of noise that these people made just seemed ungodly.
One of the kids, a boy about 6 years old, must have been possessed by a demon because that is the only explanation for the kind of noises he made. For the longest time I thought his 2 year old sister was the fussy one, but it turns out it was him who was always crying like a baby, seriously, not kid-crying with snot bubbles and choking out words, crying baby infant noises. Weird, just weird.
When no one was home the dog would howl the most lonely howls in the world. It was the most depressed dog I have ever met, ironically named Giggles. This dog looked like a tiny Luck Dragon from the Never-Ending Story and the lady would dress it in little dog clothes. My favorite was its cheer leading outfit. (I might have a picture somewhere (found it!)) She would leave the radio on all day so the dog wouldn't be lonely while she was at work, but it didn't matter, that dog knew what was up.
I moved out the same day that I finished school and I made a mental note to never live with strangers again.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Number 2
I overheard the funniest and most bizarre story today, from a guy in my class, and it would just be selfish of me not to share it.
I was sitting outside my class today, like I always do, watching the shoes go by and eavesdropping on conversations. Guy #1 walks up to his friend and says, "Aww man, I went into the bathroom just now and the broken stall door swung open, like, right in front of me and I saw some random dude taking a dump!" And Guy #2 says, "Just now? Ha ha ha, dude, you know what that reminds me of?" and he just laughs and says, "Yeah, yeah! I know right?"
I was instantly sad that I would never know what it reminded him of, but just in the nick of time Guy #2's girlfriend asks the million dollar question, "I don't get it, what does it remind you of?"
Guy #2: "Oh, well like, senior year, Joel, you know Joel, and I were supposed to go to this award thing because we made the dean's list. Only at the last minute they told me I couldn't get mine because I got on probation. So before we go to this thing we decide to do something crazy, like really crazy-crazy and we went and took a dump in the urinals. So we're squatting there next to each other and just as I'm finishing up I look over at Joel and he had pissed all in his pants, it was like a puddle. I was like, 'dude, what happened' and he was like, 'I guess I forgot to tuck it'. Poor guy forgot to tuck it. Then, because he couldn't go up and get his award thing in front of everybody like that, I had to trade pants with him. So, there I am, walking into the ceremony in my dress shirt, nice shoes and Joel's piss-pants."
Oh. My. GOD! I think I had a small anyurism trying to hold back my laughter. I guess that is true friendship (and the reason I don't have many friends). But, what I don't understand is, how a guy who pissed all over himself while taking a dump in a urinal made the deans list? Amazing, simply amazing.
I was sitting outside my class today, like I always do, watching the shoes go by and eavesdropping on conversations. Guy #1 walks up to his friend and says, "Aww man, I went into the bathroom just now and the broken stall door swung open, like, right in front of me and I saw some random dude taking a dump!" And Guy #2 says, "Just now? Ha ha ha, dude, you know what that reminds me of?" and he just laughs and says, "Yeah, yeah! I know right?"
I was instantly sad that I would never know what it reminded him of, but just in the nick of time Guy #2's girlfriend asks the million dollar question, "I don't get it, what does it remind you of?"
Guy #2: "Oh, well like, senior year, Joel, you know Joel, and I were supposed to go to this award thing because we made the dean's list. Only at the last minute they told me I couldn't get mine because I got on probation. So before we go to this thing we decide to do something crazy, like really crazy-crazy and we went and took a dump in the urinals. So we're squatting there next to each other and just as I'm finishing up I look over at Joel and he had pissed all in his pants, it was like a puddle. I was like, 'dude, what happened' and he was like, 'I guess I forgot to tuck it'. Poor guy forgot to tuck it. Then, because he couldn't go up and get his award thing in front of everybody like that, I had to trade pants with him. So, there I am, walking into the ceremony in my dress shirt, nice shoes and Joel's piss-pants."
Oh. My. GOD! I think I had a small anyurism trying to hold back my laughter. I guess that is true friendship (and the reason I don't have many friends). But, what I don't understand is, how a guy who pissed all over himself while taking a dump in a urinal made the deans list? Amazing, simply amazing.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Good News and Bads News
Lets start with the bad.
Even when I arrive at school early, I get to class late because I have to drive around looking for a parking space for half hour, then give up and park in the back of the 'rape lot' and walk a quarter mile to the class room.
The good?
I am getting tons of exercise. And probably some pepper spray soon. Fun.
Even when I arrive at school early, I get to class late because I have to drive around looking for a parking space for half hour, then give up and park in the back of the 'rape lot' and walk a quarter mile to the class room.
The good?
I am getting tons of exercise. And probably some pepper spray soon. Fun.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Like a Crack Whore Loves Crack
On the first day of class one of my teachers had us get into small groups and share a few things about ourselves. He wanted us to say our name, why we are taking the class, and one thing that most people don't know about us. Then he wanted one person from each group to get up in front of the class and introduce the other people.
I had three guys in my group (sausage-fest, i know). There was Tyler, a graphic design major (all but two people in this class are graphic design majors *yawn*) who is into extreme sports. Josh, another graphic design major. And Robert, who "likes art n' stuff, ya know" "loves chicken like a crack whore loves crack," and said that one thing most people don't know is that he is humble.
Robert volunteered to be the one who introduces us to the class. While working his way through the introductions, and practically shouting at the class, he made a freudian slip and declared, "an somethin' nobody likes about Josh, is that he loves to cook."
Oh, god! I laughed out loud, probably harder than I should have, but most of it was pent up from his comment about how much he loves chicken. Only about half the class heard it, kind of disappointing.
I had three guys in my group (sausage-fest, i know). There was Tyler, a graphic design major (all but two people in this class are graphic design majors *yawn*) who is into extreme sports. Josh, another graphic design major. And Robert, who "likes art n' stuff, ya know" "loves chicken like a crack whore loves crack," and said that one thing most people don't know is that he is humble.
Robert volunteered to be the one who introduces us to the class. While working his way through the introductions, and practically shouting at the class, he made a freudian slip and declared, "an somethin' nobody likes about Josh, is that he loves to cook."
Oh, god! I laughed out loud, probably harder than I should have, but most of it was pent up from his comment about how much he loves chicken. Only about half the class heard it, kind of disappointing.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Anything But Helpful
Two weeks ago I had an appointment with the academic counselor at school to help me figure out what classes I need to take to get my degree. Five minutes into the appointment he tried to send me away to make an appointment with the transfer counselor even though I told him I wanted to get my A.A. before I transfer anywhere. Dick.
I ended up making that appointment with the transfer counselor, who didn't have any openings for two weeks. With that long of a wait he must be a helpful guy, right? So I waited and yesterday I went over there. I was 3 minuted early for my appointment because there is usually paperwork to fill out. The receptionist is an overly-cheerful, kooky lady whose fashion sense involves a goldfish themed ensemble, including matching necklace, earrings, and shoes. I filled out the required paperwork and waited, and waited and waited. 15 minutes after my half hour meeting was supposed to start he finally decided to see me.
I could tell right away that this guy was weird but the life-sized cardboard cutout of himself in his office told me for sure. I tried to get through the rest of the appointment without anything to awkward happening, but about 5 minutes into my spiel about my career goals he got up and walked behind me to straighten a picture on his wall. I kept talking and two seconds later he got up again because he over-corrected it the first time and had to fix it again.
I should have backed my chair into his groin and left right then, but I don't think strait when I am nervous. The final straw was when he showed me how to google my chosen profession. What an ass.
I ended up making that appointment with the transfer counselor, who didn't have any openings for two weeks. With that long of a wait he must be a helpful guy, right? So I waited and yesterday I went over there. I was 3 minuted early for my appointment because there is usually paperwork to fill out. The receptionist is an overly-cheerful, kooky lady whose fashion sense involves a goldfish themed ensemble, including matching necklace, earrings, and shoes. I filled out the required paperwork and waited, and waited and waited. 15 minutes after my half hour meeting was supposed to start he finally decided to see me.
I could tell right away that this guy was weird but the life-sized cardboard cutout of himself in his office told me for sure. I tried to get through the rest of the appointment without anything to awkward happening, but about 5 minutes into my spiel about my career goals he got up and walked behind me to straighten a picture on his wall. I kept talking and two seconds later he got up again because he over-corrected it the first time and had to fix it again.
I should have backed my chair into his groin and left right then, but I don't think strait when I am nervous. The final straw was when he showed me how to google my chosen profession. What an ass.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
The Tycoon
Ok, so I promised that I would tell you about all the weirdos in my classes at school and this guy is by far the number one weirdo. I first noticed him on the first day of class because it was pouring outside and he was wearing a clear plastic cowboy-hat-shaped cover over his cowboy hat. Wow, just wow. This is california by the way, not tex-ass or the south. To make matters worse for this guy he happens to have a lisp and something weird about his wubble-u's. He basically talks like a retarded cartoon character. He is taking engineering classes because he is interested in chemical and nuclear engineering, (shiiit) and I swear to god when the teacher passed around a survey about our career goals he wrote "Tycoon".
To make things even more comical he had a friend who I also gave a nickname: fat sandaled kid. This guy is one dull bulb and wearing shorts and sandals while it was pouring rain/snowing was my first clue. My second was this overheard conversation about our class project where we have to build a box to keep an egg from breaking on a two story fall:
The Tycoon: Now, I wonda, if there might exist an egg that is similar in appearance to a chicken egg, if you will, but with a slightly thicka shell.
Fat Sandaled Kid: like an ostrich egg, maybe...
The Tycoon: Now I don't know if that would be convincin' enough, you see?
The Tycoon: What if we created, or engineered, if you will, our own egg. We could find some strong white material and put some yellow goo inside.
Fat Sandaled Kid: like carve it out of marble or something?
The Tycoon: I recon' that may be a bit on the heavy side. How about thrustas.
Fat Sandaled Kid: yeah...
The Tycoon: The device could use compressed air, not so much that it shoots it up, if you will, but just enough to slow its descent.
Fat Sandaled Kid: i guess
The Tycoon: I'll talk to my friend, who is interviewing at NASA, and see about getting some state of the art materials.
Fat Sandaled Kid: alrighty
The Tycoon: Alrighty indeed.
To make things even more comical he had a friend who I also gave a nickname: fat sandaled kid. This guy is one dull bulb and wearing shorts and sandals while it was pouring rain/snowing was my first clue. My second was this overheard conversation about our class project where we have to build a box to keep an egg from breaking on a two story fall:
The Tycoon: Now, I wonda, if there might exist an egg that is similar in appearance to a chicken egg, if you will, but with a slightly thicka shell.
Fat Sandaled Kid: like an ostrich egg, maybe...
The Tycoon: Now I don't know if that would be convincin' enough, you see?
The Tycoon: What if we created, or engineered, if you will, our own egg. We could find some strong white material and put some yellow goo inside.
Fat Sandaled Kid: like carve it out of marble or something?
The Tycoon: I recon' that may be a bit on the heavy side. How about thrustas.
Fat Sandaled Kid: yeah...
The Tycoon: The device could use compressed air, not so much that it shoots it up, if you will, but just enough to slow its descent.
Fat Sandaled Kid: i guess
The Tycoon: I'll talk to my friend, who is interviewing at NASA, and see about getting some state of the art materials.
Fat Sandaled Kid: alrighty
The Tycoon: Alrighty indeed.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Back To School
Back To School
To Prove To Dad That I'm Not A Fool
I've Got My, Luch Packed Up
My Boots Tied Tight
I Hope I Don't Get In A Fight
Back To School
Back To School
It seems that you can only stay unemployed for so long before your parents won't let you and your husband live in their house for free anymore. Whatever.
So I'm going back to school to prove that my life is still moving in the right direction. So far classes are easy-peasy, but there are a few weirdos in each of my classes. I guess that keeps things interesting. Usually its just the 40+ crowd that feel the need to answer all the professors rhetorical questions. But, this time there are a few gems, like 'the tycoon'. More on him later I promise.
To Prove To Dad That I'm Not A Fool
I've Got My, Luch Packed Up
My Boots Tied Tight
I Hope I Don't Get In A Fight
Back To School
Back To School
It seems that you can only stay unemployed for so long before your parents won't let you and your husband live in their house for free anymore. Whatever.
So I'm going back to school to prove that my life is still moving in the right direction. So far classes are easy-peasy, but there are a few weirdos in each of my classes. I guess that keeps things interesting. Usually its just the 40+ crowd that feel the need to answer all the professors rhetorical questions. But, this time there are a few gems, like 'the tycoon'. More on him later I promise.
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