Monday, March 30, 2009

Holding Out For The Right Job

I am having the hardest time finding a job right now, but it isn't the getting hired part that is hard, its finding one to apply to that is. Even in my desperate state I have standards. For example I refuse to even apply for a position where the classified reads, "tiping skills, word, and excell a must" because that means working for someone who can't spell typing or excel, and I just can't deal with that right now.

I tried my luck at a career fair a while back, which are never easy for me. I have a hard time talking to strangers especially about myself. The only email I got after was from the one asshole I couldn't stand. From the moment I approached his table he seemed hell bent on making me cry. I tried not to take it personally because I could tell he was the kind of loud mouth guy who gets a kick out of making other people feel uncomfortable, but he took it to a whole other level of ass holery with me.

I walked up and started my little spiel about myself and he immediately interrupted me.

Him: Wait, wait, wait a sec honey, I think I remember you. Were you here last year?"

Me: Yes, but only for the seminars. I was still a student.

Him: No, I remember you. You came up just like this, then when I tried to set up and interview you game me all sorts of problems and excuses. So why should I let you waste my time again?

Me: I don't know what to say, I think you're thinking of someone else.

Him: Well, I don't normally give second chances, but lets see your resume.

I hand it to him and he starts to look over it.

Him: So you just graduated?

Me: Yes, in September.

Him: Good, but you have no work experience?

Me: Well I have a year of sales experience in a similar area.

Him: Yeah, but its just not the same. I tell you what, I am going to set your resume over here in this pile. This pile is for the people who would need some work and training and I haven't decided if I have time for that right now.

Me: Well It was nice to meet you, thank you for your time.

Him: You know what I should bring to these things? A paper shredder, wouldn't that save time? I'm not talking about your resume, don't get all misty eyed on me. I'm just saying wouldn't that be kind of funny. Bzzzzz!

I kept it together the best I could as I walked right out the door and to my car. Game over. Then I got his email a week later asking for me to send him a headshot, so he could put faces with all the resumes. I didn't send one, but looking back I wish I would of send him something obscene or atlease a picture of me giving him the finger. I still see his adds in the classifides, he must go thought employees like breathmints.

That was more than six months ago and I still don't have a job. But atleast I haven't been stuck at a job that I hate for six months.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Missed Opportunities

I was sitting outside one of my classes last Wednesday, because I always end up getting there early, and some dude walks up and asked me to turn in his homework for him because he couldn't stay. I said yes and took the paper, but as he and his friends were walking away I thought of the best joke to play on him.

As they walked away I wanted to just reach over and drop his homework in the trash nearby. I would be funny to the other people standing around, and it would be extra funny if he or one of his friends saw me and called me out. Then I could just be like, "just kidding!"

I let the opportunity pass my by because I don't know this dude at all, and it was the kind of thing that would either end up making us friends or he would just hate me and mutter 'bitch' under his breath every time he saw me. But, it made me laugh to my self so next time an opportunity like that comes up I think I'll do it.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Giggles, the Depressed Luck Dragon

While I was going to school in San Diego I rented a room from a guy who works with my dad. I spent most of my time off and nights at my boyfriends apartment because I couldn't stand being in that house.

When his wife was home she constantly wanted someone to talk to and even told me all about her daughter's re-occurring bladder infection over breakfast.

Most weekends their grown daughters would visit with their kids. When they showed up I would grab my stuff and get out as soon as possible, even when I had nowhere to go. I guess I grew up in a quiet household because the amount of noise that these people made just seemed ungodly.

One of the kids, a boy about 6 years old, must have been possessed by a demon because that is the only explanation for the kind of noises he made. For the longest time I thought his 2 year old sister was the fussy one, but it turns out it was him who was always crying like a baby, seriously, not kid-crying with snot bubbles and choking out words, crying baby infant noises. Weird, just weird.

When no one was home the dog would howl the most lonely howls in the world. It was the most depressed dog I have ever met, ironically named Giggles. This dog looked like a tiny Luck Dragon from the Never-Ending Story and the lady would dress it in little dog clothes. My favorite was its cheer leading outfit. (I might have a picture somewhere (found it!)) She would leave the radio on all day so the dog wouldn't be lonely while she was at work, but it didn't matter, that dog knew what was up.

I moved out the same day that I finished school and I made a mental note to never live with strangers again.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Daylight Stealing Time

Sunday we started daylight savings time and set the clocks back an hour. It was also my birthday which means I lost an hour of my birthday. So not fair.

It was still a great weekend, with two sushi dinners, an ice cream cake and a confetti cake, and some great little gifts. I couldn't complain about my stolen hour too much because my father-in-law told me that once, when he was in the navy, he missed his whole birthday when his ship crossed over the international dateline. Bummer.

In case anyone is wondering, everything went fine with Uncle Eric visiting. He really is a nice guy, but before he went home he left a book for my in-laws that was titled "Your Wasted Life". (Ouch) And one thing I thought was interesting was when my mother-in-law told him to drive safely, like she always does, he replied with, "Hey, I could be in heaven tonight."

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Foot Emergency

I could fill this blog with stories about my old boss, but I have been trying to move on and put my burning hatred for him in the past. I'll just leave this one story for now and you'll just have to take my word for it that he is an evil, evil man.

I got this new job on the same day that I moved to San Diego. In the beginning I was really excited about it, it was a store that I always loved to shop at when I was in town visiting my family on holidays. After about a month of working I got my boyfriend a job there too and he and my boss seemed to hit it off right away.

One day, about an hour after we got there in the morning, my boss (the owner of the store) whispered to my boyfriend, "I have a pain in my foot and I need you to drive me to the hospital." My husband had to tell him that he didn't have a car and I always gave him a ride to work. He offered to call somebody, but my boss said no.

My boss then came to me. I started thinking about the fastest way to the hospital and whether or not I had enough gas in my tank to get there. But, instead of asking me for a ride he just said, "I have to go somewhere, while I'm gone [your boyfriend] is in charge.

All I could think was, "I hope that bastard drives himself into a ditch." Why didn't he ask me for a ride after my boyfriend just told him that I had a car, because I'm a girl? Why did he leave my boyfriend in charge when I have worked here over a month and he was still in training? Dick.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Number 2

I overheard the funniest and most bizarre story today, from a guy in my class, and it would just be selfish of me not to share it.

I was sitting outside my class today, like I always do, watching the shoes go by and eavesdropping on conversations. Guy #1 walks up to his friend and says, "Aww man, I went into the bathroom just now and the broken stall door swung open, like, right in front of me and I saw some random dude taking a dump!" And Guy #2 says, "Just now? Ha ha ha, dude, you know what that reminds me of?" and he just laughs and says, "Yeah, yeah! I know right?"

I was instantly sad that I would never know what it reminded him of, but just in the nick of time Guy #2's girlfriend asks the million dollar question, "I don't get it, what does it remind you of?"

Guy #2: "Oh, well like, senior year, Joel, you know Joel, and I were supposed to go to this award thing because we made the dean's list. Only at the last minute they told me I couldn't get mine because I got on probation. So before we go to this thing we decide to do something crazy, like really crazy-crazy and we went and took a dump in the urinals. So we're squatting there next to each other and just as I'm finishing up I look over at Joel and he had pissed all in his pants, it was like a puddle. I was like, 'dude, what happened' and he was like, 'I guess I forgot to tuck it'. Poor guy forgot to tuck it. Then, because he couldn't go up and get his award thing in front of everybody like that, I had to trade pants with him. So, there I am, walking into the ceremony in my dress shirt, nice shoes and Joel's piss-pants."

Oh. My. GOD! I think I had a small anyurism trying to hold back my laughter. I guess that is true friendship (and the reason I don't have many friends). But, what I don't understand is, how a guy who pissed all over himself while taking a dump in a urinal made the deans list? Amazing, simply amazing.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Married Twice In Three Days

I just found out today that my husband's uncle is going to be staying at his parents house for the entire week. Any other week I would be able to pretend I was so busy with school that I didn't have a chance to visit, but it's my birthday this week, so I will have to go over there for presents and cake and annual awkwardness. This is the same uncle ended up being the pastor at our wedding and nearly made me a bridezilla.

For the record, when we first started planning everything, I asked my husband's parents if one of his uncles (both pastors) could do our wedding and we never got an answer back. I got the feeling that they weren't planning on flying out for the wedding at all, so I just let it go.

We tried my aunt's pastor who was local, but he insisted that we go through the whole marriage counseling process that he and his wife put together. We were kind of prepared for suffering through counseling so we met with them. After asking too many personal questions (and answering them all with lies) they told us that they charge $65 per person and gave us a 10 page questionnaire that we each have to fill out. Yeah, that's not really our style, so we never went back.

Next, we tried a pastor from the phone book. We made the mistake of working out all the details with him before we worked out the price. When we met with him he told us it would be $500 for a 1 hour ceremony. Psh, i don't think so. We told him to take a hike and went into panic mode because our wedding was in about two weeks.

My mother-in-law finally called and talked to one of her brothers. Then she came to us and said, "I know! Uncle Eric could do your wedding!" like it was her idea all of a sudden. I never know what to say when someone does that, but we did need a pastor, so we just went along with it.

Three days before the wedding Uncle Eric told us:

*He wasn't a register pastor in our state. Which ment he couldn't sign the marriage certificate and make thing official.

*Therefore, he wouldn't pronounce us husband and wife in the ceremony since it would be a lie.

*He would only do the ceremony if he could include his favorite bible verses about marriage.

Wow, cue bridezilla freakout.

We ended up going to the courthouse two days before the wedding to get legally married so that I could actually hear the words "I now pronounce you..." on my wedding day. I let the bible verses slide because, while I am not religious, most of the rest of my family is. We never told our guests that we were already technically married before our wedding day.

So, even though everything worked out in the end, I am still not looking forward to seeing Uncle Eric again.

Driving Music

When I was a sophomore in high school my family moved to a nicer neighborhood, you know the kind with sidewalks. The year we moved was also the year that I turned 16, passed my drivers test, and my dad bought me my first car. I was so proud of my car even though it was nothing to look at. It was a used teal Geo that was bought from a police auction, so it was either impounded or used in stakeouts (I always thought that was so cool).

It came with only the basics, manual windows, manual door locks, it didn't even have a mirror on the visor, and a tape player. I hadn't seen a tape player since I was a kid, but I went to the thrift store and bought some tapes for a quarter each. I found some real gems: Creedence Clearwater Revival, Blue Oyster Cult, and Sublime.

I never got to hear the Creedence Clearwater Revival or Blue Oyster Cult tapes because I put Sublime's 40 Ounces To Freedom in and it got stuck in the tape player. For two years I drove around and listened to nothing but that tape. Anyone who asked for a ride quickly found out that was my driving music.

That's actually how I my husband and I started dating. I gave him a ride to all the punk shows around town and he would pay for me to get in. It's a good thing we started dating too because my dad once gave me this advice about meeting guys:

"You should be out there (in our new neighborhood) washing your car every weekend. You might meet some guys. Guys like a girl who wants to take care of her car"

Yeah, because that's the kind of guy I want to meet, some bro with balls on his truck, leaning out the window yelling, "yeaaah, wash it good baby!"